The Funniest Story I have Ever Read - Part 2

(cont'd)

Madame DuLak had studied in Paris. She said so often. She had picked up a lot of fancy notions in gay old Paris, I gathered, not only about Joyce Kilmer but also about "recitations" and "elocution lessons."

"We are going," Madame DuLak intoned, in a rich, deep voice full of culture, that first morning our little class of six assembled, "to undertake the study of a litt-tul play which I rather " (she said "rawther" of course) "like. I shall assign and read the parts this morning. By next week you will have memorized your lines and then we shall settle down for a winter's work."

I memorized my lines easily. My part consisted of the word "hunger." But do not imagine that I was a mere walk-on in this little play of Madame DuLak's. On the contrary, I was one of the leading characters. I was, in spite my rotund figure, a hungry old beggar. I sat on the steps of what was supposed to be a cathedral. From the time the curtain went up until at last it went down, I sat on those steps, chanting the word "hunger" more or less at one-minute intervals. Sometimes I said it very loudly, drowning out the rest of the cast, and sometimes I was supposed to whisper it very softly, as background. It was a Greek-chorus idea.

The play was exceedingly symbolical. I was not supposed to be physically hungry, which was a good thing, considering my appearance; I was just supposed to be spiritually hungry. Madame DuLak used to urge me to put this difference into the reading of my lines, or, rather, line. I was a big girl for my eleven years, and I was often hungry in the good old-fashioned sense of wanting another piece of chocolate cake or second helping of chocolate pie. So when Madame DuLak would urge me on Saturday mornings to "Put some feeling into your part, Ruth," I would concentrate hard on something chocolate and howl, "Hun-gah!" with a fine frenzied note in my voice. Madame DuLak thought I was pretty good, on the whole. Of course sometimes I forgot and said "Hunger," and then Madame DuLak used to denounce me as a boor.

(Part 3 coming soon!)

The Funniest Story I have Ever Read - Part 1

An Excerpt from the book, "My Sister Eileen" by Ruth McKenney (a collection of short stories about the author and her sister Eileen) Published in 1938

"Hun-gah"

When my sister and I were ten and eleven, our six aunts on the lace-curtain-Irish, or Farrel, side of the family got up a little fund to make their nieces cultured.

In their dreams, they could see, these amiable ladies who loved us so dearly, Eileen at the piano bringing tears to the eyes of her relatives with a splendid performance of "Narcissus," the selection where you cross your hands on the keyboard. They could see me, too, in their affectionate musings, spreading a fluffy organdie skirt for a polite curtsy to a parlor full of admiring Farrels and Murphys and Flannigans, and then launching into a moving recitation of "Trees."

After all, our second cousins, the Murphy children, aged only eleven and twelve, could already recite "Trees" and play "The Rose of No Man's Land," not to speak of "Humoresque," on the piano. If the Murphys could be cultured, so, my aunts said grimly, could the McKenneys. If they had secret misgivings, they never said so. They started off the big culture program by getting Eileen a music teacher, a nervous, angular lady who wore her eyeglasses on a black ribbon and sniffed.

"One," she used to say, "two,three," and then a long sniffle, "four. One, two," then another short, ladylike sniffle, "three, four."

The sniffles and the black ribbon for the eyeglasses fascinated my sister. She used to keep time to the sniffles instead of counting, and as a result her scales went from bad to worse. Eventually, though, she learned to read simple sheet music. She also learned a bass which consisted mostly of fearful thumping and a rolling sound like kettledrums, all in the lowest octave of the keyboard. With this equipment, whe was able to play "Chloe," a popular song of the early nineteen-twenties. She was never able to play anything except "Chloe," but she certainly could play that.

She used to stalk to the piano and seat herself firmly, with quite a thump, at the bench. Then, swaying largely from the waist, she picked up the melody, not without some difficulty. Finally, when the preliminaries were over, she burst into song, accompanying herself as she went along.

"Thr---ooo the bu-la-ck of NIGHT," Eileen used to intone in a deep bass growl, "I got-tuh go wheah yew are."

The climax of the song, where the melody goes up, always used to baffle my sister, who, like myself, is absolutely tone-deaf and has never been able to carry a tune, even the simplest one, in her whole life. She solved the difficulty by simply pounding so hard in the bass that she drowned herself out. Her voice emerged triumphantly just at the end: "I GOT-TUH go wheah YEW are."

While Eileen was learning to play a bayou chant, I, too, was busy with culture. I was taking what my aunts thought were elocution lessons. These thoughtful ladies, after a solemn family conclave, had decided I should study public speaking because I stuttered over the telephone. I still do. It is very humiliating.

How my conservative, respectable aunts fell afoul of Madame DuLak and her Studio of the Voice I cannot imagine. Certainly she was not the teacher they thought she was. The hoped I would learn how to recite "Trees." Madame DuLak told me the first time I met her that Joyce Kilmer "stank." That was the word she used. I was eleven years old, and I certainly was suprised to hear that about Joyce Kilmer.

(Tune in tomorrow for Part 2...)

My New Living Room

So I've been watching HGTV like an absolute addict...and in the midst of all that television, I decided my living room had no "focal point." Also, I had a chair that had been pretty much abandoned on the outskirts of the space and wasn't being used at all. The chair happened to be The Chair, previously of my previous apartment. It was the Only Chair and was offered to guests when they came to visit. How terrible for this once great and revered chair to be cast off, left alone! I remedied the situation by changing the layout of the room and thereby maximizing the potential of the space! If this isn't enough, I've also included pictures. Behold! The Blue Couch!

By Jill Scott, Musician

Embrace this right now life while it's dripping, while the flavors are excellently woesome. Take your bites with bravery and boldness since the learning and the growing are here in these times, these exact right times. Hold and kiss them because it will soon be very different.

This looks good!

http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/27dresses/

Okay, the link doesn't work. But just copy and paste it into your title bar thing in your browser...and hit enter. Voila!

The $330,000 Fungus

A tidbit of info I found incredible:

A man by the name of Stanley Ho (how terrible, right?) won an auction bid for a 3.3 pound truffle...paying $330,000- which beat the previous record for a truffle at $212,000.
So let's break it down - that's 110, 000 per pound. That better be some good truffle. Hmmmm, only time I've had truffle was in macaroni and cheese. That's how I do gourmet, baby!

Aquarium of the Pacific

Here are some snapshots of things I thought were amazing...

Second Return?

Whew, am I bad at this blog thing! Guess a person with a blog should keep it current...anyhow, I'll be posting some great pictures I've taken recently...so stay tuned!

The Shirt's Origins

By the way, as not to infringe on anything...the shirt below is from Boden.
www.bodenusa.com

Shirt Love

I'm am so in love with this shirt. LOVE IT! Just wanted to share it with all of you who still read this...that I think "bubble-spots" are grand! Lovely! By the way, I guess that's how they refer to "polka dots" in the UK.

My First Baseball Game! Wow!

On Monday night, I went to my first real-live baseball game! Anaheim Angels vs. Tampa Bay Devil Rays. It was a great game...a lot of people here absolutely love the Angels, so there were lots of red shirts around the stadium. Angels won with 10 runs. Enjoy the pics...

Finished Product!

Well, I finally finished my curtains for my bedroom. They were an absolute necessity due to the fact that the sun came in my window and it was crazy hot...nothing like waking up and feeling as if you've been put into the oven for a little cookin'! I bought the fabric and the sewing machine online and then got to it! They look alright and in my opinion...not too shabby for the very first sewing project!

I have returned!

Okay, so I know it's been like over 2 months since I've written. I am planning on writing some good stuff tomorrow and I've got some fun pics to post as well. Hope everyone is doing great... and I hope you are still reading this blog. Though, admittedly, the point of a blog is to write everyday...What are ya gonna do?

Watch this Panda Escape!

http://view.break.com/323832 - Watch more free videos

Raspberry Mocha

Has anyone out there tried this?

More Emily Dickinson

The Lost Thought

I felt a clearing in my mind
As if my brain had split;
I tried to match it, seam by seam,
But could not make them fit.

The thought behind I strove to join
Unto the thought before,
But sequence ravelled out of reach
Like balls upon a floor.



A Man

Fate slew him, but he did not drop;
She felled-he did not fall-
Impaled him on her fiercest stakes-
He neutralized them all.

She stung him, sapped his firm advance,
But when her worst was done,
And he, unmoved, regarded her,
Acknowledged him a man.

Emily Dickinson

A Word

A word is dead
When it is said,
Some say.
I say it just
Begins to live
That day.

Who is this?

I was given this picture as a gift...Now, who could this be?

News Flash!

Okay, Yummy! Starbucks has a new drink! I just got the email...

Raspberry Mocha. It comes in all three major varieties: Hot, Iced and of course - Frappucino! Yippee!

Visit starbucks.com for details!

Good Books

I want to know what your favorite book is because I'm looking for something GREAT to read! Let me know.

Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore--
and then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load

Or does it just explode?

-Langston Hughes

New Food

I am tired of eating the same old food all the time. What's your favorite thing to eat? I need some new and fresh ideas. Here are some things I eat a lot of: instant pad thai (with vacuum packed peanuts), peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, salad, tomato soup, pasta, frozen eggrolls, frozen cheese enchiladas...and so on. Help!

To a Poor Old Woman

munching a plum on
the street a paper bag
of them in her hand

They taste good to her
They taste good
to her. They taste
good to her

You can see it by
the way she gives herself
to the one half
sucked out in her hand

Comforted
a solace of ripe plums
seeming to fill the air
They tast good to her

~Williams Carlos Williams

Thief

I stopped at In-n-Out on the way to work today. While I was at the counter, I noticed that the man in front of me ordered water to drink (which is free). I thought nothing of it at the time...however, after I had placed my order and got my drink, I was sitting down waiting for my food, looking around to pass the time. And who do you think I see approaching the soda fountain? And who do you think pours himself a COCA-COLA? Yes, I'm sure you've deduced the answer. It was the man who ordered water. He shamelessly walked up to the machine, looked to each side to see if anyone was watching and then went ahead and poured himself some stolen beverage. How cheap can one person be? Seriously. Can't you spare the extra $.99? I have to say, he made me so mad I wanted to tell him to walk his cheap little butt up to the counter and give over a buck. But I didn't. What a sad commentary on our times.

Today's Poem

Somewhat sad, but lovely nonetheless.

Ebb

I know what my heart is like
Since your love died:
It is like a hollow ledge
Holding a little pool
Left there by the tide,
A little tepid pool,
Drying inward from the edge.

~Edna St. Vincent Millay

A Blue Couch

Well, I'm also going to share a pic of my new couch! I suppose I am a grown up now, since I own one. ha!

New and Fabulous

Here is a picture of my most recent furniture aquisition: a buffet/console table that is oh so lovely. I'm using it as an entertainment center... (feel free to mock the itsy-bitsy TV) This fine piece is crafted of teak and is of the Danish mid-century modern family. I came across it while shopping in downtown Fullerton, in a store called "Out of Vogue, Vintage Modern." Go ahead and drool!

B-I-N-G-O!

I stopped at Starbucks this morning for a much needed espresso beverage and because I'm not supposed to have caffeine I was compelled to inquire of the barista if there is such a thing as a decaf espresso, an obvious oxymoron if ever I heard one. Much to my surprise, he answered in the affirmative and shared the fact that there is even such a thing as "half-caf." Here my jaw just dropped in amazement and I promptly replied - I'll take half-caf and make it a triple. As the barista man was marking my cup with all my instructions, he told me that I had a Starbucks BINGO. I looked at him with a quizzical brow. He proceeded to explain. There are six boxes on the side of a Starbucks cup. You know, to designate the kind of milk you want or how much syrup or how many shots or if it's decaf or half-caf. You get the gist. Well, anyways, if you have marks in all six boxes...you get a BINGO! I'm ashamed to admit this, but it takes longer for me to order the coffee than it does for them to make it. Hee, hee. That's a bit of an exaggeration now. I do so love hyperboles.

Here it is, in all it's glory. I highly recommend this drink. Get it iced and prepare for a real treat!

1/2 caf
Triple (shots)
XV (extra vanilla)
NF (skim milk)
Upside down (not layered)
CM (caramel macchiato)

B-I-N-G-O

Now, I want to know...how do you take your Starbucks? Ever won B-I-N-G-O??

Read this

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said: "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter - bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

-Stephen Crane

Eye Candy

Don't know if this will work ladies, but I'm going to give it a shot. Nothing like a man in the ocean. Two of my favorite things together. *sigh*

A Furry Friend Indeed

As promised, a snapshot of Melvin...guinea pig extraordinaire. A picture surely says a thousand words.

Day of the Doctor

Well, today was just that. My pet guinea pig Melvin had to go the vet first thing this morning and get his treatment. He fortunately has made great improvement since his last visit and only has one treatment left. The hair was falling off of his butt, but now it's growing back. You might not think a hairy butt is important, but then, you're probably not a guinea pig. He was on his way to becoming a hairless wonder. Thank goodness we haven't been brought to that...I'll try to post his picture so you can see what I mean. He's a little cutie..a little stinker, but still a cutie!

Yummy Salad

Baby spring mix
Grape tomatoes
Cucumbers
Feta Cheese
Rasperrry Vinaigrette drizzled over

Simple and delicious! First introduced to me by my friend Selina.

What do you do first?

As pertains to your shower routine! Survey says: Results vary! Hair first? Ever thought about it? Comments?

Saturday

Whew, just got home from the ol' J-O-B! Good times is all I gotta say on that. Good times, good times. Working with people really makes you dislike them in general...at least that's been my subjective observation. But a stranger said something to me today that honestly surprised me...something along the lines of "You'll never regret being kind to someone or giving them a smile." As much as I'd like to defend my grumpiness, upon further reflection I must confess that this little doo-dad of wholesome goodness has some truth in it! Since this makes me terrible uncomfortable, what do you say to a change of subject?

Salutations

A quick hello to any and all who may read my humble blog!

I am sure there will be something brilliant to say eventually...until then, arrivederci! (sp?)

A Favorite Poem

Keeping Things Whole

In a field
I am the absence
of field.
This is
always the case.
Wherever I am
I am what is missing.

When I walk
I part the air
and always
the air moves in
to fill the spaces
where my body's been.

We all have reasons
for moving.
I move
to keep things whole.

~Mark Strand